The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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