she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize