My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
