If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
