you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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