Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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