I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
