she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
