Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
