the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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