butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
