it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize