Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
