I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
