hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
