another moral hangover. fuck.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
