lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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