am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
