he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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