Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
