I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
