this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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