my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
