she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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