i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
