At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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