i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
