I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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