I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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