just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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