but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
