her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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