I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
