and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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