I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
