SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
