Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
