apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
