Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
