Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
