I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
