You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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