Dual....:-)
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
