Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
