just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
