you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
