I have demons in me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
