Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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