I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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