I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
