dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize