Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Come see our sink grown plant.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
