You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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