i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
