1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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