I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
only you would photoshop your dick
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
