Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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