I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
