Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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