nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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