Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
