I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize