I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
