So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
