....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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