Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
