): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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