i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
