Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
