Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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