My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
